pigs in a blanket

Date Four. Part One.

“Fuck the juice cleanse!”

“Fuck the juice cleanse?”

“Yes! Fuck it!” she said, and she threateningly waved her champagne glass at me.

I looked over at Caitlyn and Marlie. “Fuck the juice cleanse?”

“Fuck it,” said Marlie, nodding.

“Yep. Fuck the juice cleanse,” Caitlyn agreed.

“Hmm,” I said, mulling this over. “Fuck the juice cleanse…”

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van halen 2

Is It Just Me?

Those of a certain age, you will remember in 1988 when Van Halen released the second album with Sammy Hagar as the lead singer: ‘OU812′. Now, despite what you may have thought of the album itself (I know some of you have never gotten over the loss of David Lee Roth) what was undoubtedly cool was the title. I remember thinking, “WOW. It’s letters and numbers but YOU CAN SAY IT AS A SENTENCE! WOWWOWWOW!!!!” Not a lot of bands had done that before, and this sort of short-speak was new and unique.

Now of course, it is commonplace. ‘U’ has replaced the incredibly difficult and laborious spelling of ‘you’ and thank goodness someone came up with ‘2’ as opposed to ‘to!’ I don’t know about you, but typing out that one other character to actually write the word was really bringing me down. Continue reading

yoga 2

Like A Dog With A Bone.

“What’s your idea of a great first date?”

“Geesh, I don’t know.”

“Tracey. Come on,” she replied.

I sighed to myself.

Her next IM flashed up in my inbox. “Okay, just use this template: On a first date, I enjoy discussing _____ over _____ at _____.”

“I’m busy,” I replied.

“TRACEY. COME ON.”

“DO NOT ALL-CAPS ME.”

“YOU ARE DRIVING ME CRAZY.”

“No, YOU are driving ME crazy.”

“I’m coming over.”

“Omg. Please don’t.”

No response. She was already on her way.

No doubt about it. Lux was on a mission.

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balls

Independence Day. Part One.

I was drowning at work.

The day after I’d returned from my West Coast training trip for the new part-time responsibilities my New Boss was allowing me to take on, I was given another person to support. So now, not only was trying to prove myself in the new role, I was once again assisting three Executives. As well as attempting to manage my duties as NY Site Leader of the Wellness Group, not to mention continue my very important post as President of the Fun Committee. In all the chaos, I’d completely ignored my position as the Co-Founder of the Gum Culture Task-Force. There was only one sad, stale, half-consumed pack of Watermelon Trident left.

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The questionnaire

The Profiler.

“Not even a bootycall?”

“Not even a bootycall.”

“So you got nothin’?”

“I got nothin’,” I said, shaking my head.

“That’s a damn shame,” said Sean, as he took a sip of his Guiness. “No one to drunk-text.”

“Nope, no one to drunk-text,” I sighed. I took a sip of my Bud Light. “Well, except My Ex, of course. I drunk-text him all the time.”

Sean gave me a look.

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Pole_position_May_2011

And now, not a poll. But a pole.

“I can’t believe we’re doing this,” laughed Marlie.

“I know,” I said and rolled my eyes. “It’s totally ridiculous.”

“I hope it will be fun.”

“Of course it will be fun.” I peered into the candlelit bar. “We’re here together. We’ll have fun no matter what.”

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Living, Working & Dating as a 40-Something Single in NYC

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