“Ew!” I exclaimed, as I burst through the conference room door.
“What?” Archie was trying to enjoy a peaceful Bento Box lunch, away from the usual office chaos.
But I was having none of that.
“My post for tomorrow sucks!” I stared down at him, hands on hips. “It SUCKS!”
“Why’s that?” he asked and picked up a piece of sushi with his chopsticks.
I sunk into a chair across from him. “It just does.” I put my elbows on the table and rested my chin on my hands. “I’m supposed to be writing about getting a date online but when I started working on it – it’s basically the same post as ‘We’ll Say We Met At Starbucks.’ I mean, nothing has changed. NOTHING.” I looked at him in despair.
“What do you mean?”
“I mean, the profiles are the same, the guys are the same, it’s all the same. Everyone is still looking for someone attractive, intelligent, sexy, and adventurous, who looks good in both an evening dress, and jeans with a t-shirt. They themselves are still doing sports shirtless, traveling the world, being passionate about life, and loving to laugh.
“Who says that?” Archie asked with a scowl.
“Who says that?” I asked and raised my eyebrows at him. “Everyone. EVERYONE says that. Online, that is.”
“Ew,” he said.
“I know,” I sighed and sat back in the chair. “But you know what gets me the most about this time around? It’s that every guy, I mean every single guy, who I thought could be a potential, you know what their cut-off age is?”
He eyed me over a chopstick filled with rice.
“Thirty-six! THIRTY-SIX!” I bellowed. “And these guys, these guys are pushing fifty! It’s so ridiculous.”
“That is ridiculous.”
“It’s all so disheartening,” I said sadly and looked down at the table. “I’m not even coming up in their searches. I don’t even have a shot.”
“You know,” he said, chewing thoughtfully. “You look young. You could lie about your age.”
I looked up at him. “Noooo…I couldn’t…” I took a deep breath. “Could I?”
He shrugged. “I don’t know. It could help widen the net.”
“Huh,” I said and mulled this over.
“I mean,” he said under his breath. “Maybe not thirty-six, but…”
I frowned at him and then moved my gaze to the window which looked out at the gray skyline of the city. “Huh.”
“I love rice,” Archie sighed happily. “I could eat it alllll day.”
So, what do you guys think? Is it okay to lie about your age on a dating profile in order to attract more people? Even if you plan on telling them the truth later? Is all fair in love and war? Or, will lying set you off to a path of imminent destruction?
Let us know in the poll below & be sure to sound off in the comments!
Look forward to hearing your thoughts!
For you, Archie.
21 thoughts on “Age Aint Nothin’ But a Number…? And Another Poll.”
I lied when I was online dating. I lied about my job. I’m a tv producer. No big deal really. But I live in a conservative, boring town in Germany, and people here seem to think that being a tv producer automatically means you’re a charming, beautiful, fun chick, who spends her life drinking champagne with her celebritiy friends on their yachts in the south of France. I’m not that chick. The disappointment was very visible in every guys face at every date I had.
So I changed my job on my profile and said I was a kindergarden teacher. I had less attractive guys write me than before, but they were a lot less superficial. If I liked a guy I told the truth about my job and why I lied about it.
You have to get their attention and make them notice the real you. If it means you have to lie about something, I personally think it’s fine as long as you tell the thruth already on the first date. And why you lied. If they still think you’re too old for them once they’ve met you, they can go to hell, because you deserve better 🙂
This is so interesting Anja!! How did they react when you told them the truth?
They were all really cool about it. And – funny – most of them came clean about something they lied about (and they ALL lie). Like they weren’t as much into sports as they had stated on their profile because they thought that’s what women want to hear. Some actually lied about their age as well. Most lied about their weight or height. Some were an awful lot heavier than they had claimed. And yes, that bothered me, but I understood why they did it. I probably would have never given them a chance otherwise. And that’s stupid, but when you’re online dating you only get hard facts and have to make a choice based on those when it’s actually all about chemistry. In the long run, online dating wasn’t for me, but I met some nice guys, and some of the kindest were the ones who had lied about their weight or height. Just saying 🙂
It won’t let me reply to your follow up but I wanted to say – I actually am really bothered when people misrepresent how they look. The 10 year old profile pictures and misleading about weight or height does not fly with me. I am not sure why I have that double-standard. I’ll have to think about that 🙂
Here’s the thing, online profiles are FULL of lies. And they run the whole gamut, straight up howlers, little white lies, stretches of the truth, and of course, tons and tons of delusions! But think of it this way, you’re at an event and you make eye contact with a guy and there’s a connection. At that point, he doesn’t know anything about you and if he’s interested, he’ll try to know you. Age isn’t the first thing that’s going to come up so even if it turns out that you’re not in his usual age range, by the time he finds that out he’s already decided whether or not that makes a difference anymore.
Look, as I said at the top, there’re lies and there’re lies. I look at lying about your age on your profile kinda like rocking that one pushup bra that makes you look stacked when you know you’re a solid A. If it gets you noticed, hey it’s all good.
I think that lying about your age is okay as long as 1. You don’t take too many years off 2. it is NOT coupled with a profile pic from 15 years ago and 3. you come clean about your real age early in the interaction. A guy who likes you and upon finding out, makes this an issue, is likely superficial and small, so you’re probably better off without him.
That’s my 10 cents, my 2 cents is free 😉
Nothin’ but love for ya, Stoney.
Thank you SCazz. These are really interesting points – especially “Age isn’t the first thing that’s going to come up.” We wouldn’t ask someone’s age right off the bat in real life so why are we required to put it out there online? Maybe we should be allowed to put an age range 😉
I think its toooootally fine. Men do it ALL THE TIME! And I know this because I’ve been the one they lied to. In fact I was in a very long relationship with one of those men! lol.
Girl’s gotta do, whatta girl’s gotta do!
Thanks SP! It’s really fascinating because on Facebook – everyone is saying no. But here, they are all saying yes. I can’t wait to check the poll tonight! Polls are fun 🙂
As a man… I can tell you that as long as the age lie isn’t outrageous.. like over 10 years off from the real age.. most guys wouldn’t care.. in fact if a guy is looking for a lasting relationship, I doubt the age of the woman really matters at all.. besides I think everybody lies a little on their dating profiles… I think men tend to lie the most about their height, wealth and job.. so I say claim you are as young as you are willing to pretend to be.. just be careful guys looking for very young women are probably not looking for a commitment..
Thank you Maki. I definitely think that last statement is right on.
Well, I said I was against lying but, for me, Anja made the point against my vote best. I still don’t like it – when a 50 year old is looking for a 30 year old, I don’t think he’s likely to see past his arbitrary limit to your value – but I’m not as dead-set against it. I loved this post because back when I was online-dating, that was defintely one of the things that got me most, too. I remember when one of those guys deigned to contact me (like, three years out of his age range) and I fake-gushed about how grateful I was that he’d consider me. But in asking those guys why, I usually got “women my age can’t keep up with me.” Slightly better than “I’m not attracted to women my age,” but still bullshit. I felt it necessary to call them on it. Now, why am I not in a relationship? lol Anyway, respect yourself and have as much fun as possible! 🙂
Thank you Elisabeth! That is such BS – that women their age can’t keep up with them. It tells me that either they have an inflated sense of self or really have a bad view of women who are not in their 20s. It’s insulting. Those are probably not the kind of guys we would want to date!
Personally I am not a fan of misrepresenting yourself in any way….even if it’s for something you perceive as small or unimportant. If the guys put a lower age range in there then screw him! That’s all I got 😉
Thank you Monika – that seems to be the general consensus!
Seriously, honesty should be a basis for a relationship, not to get one started. What is a few years? 36 is an arbitrary age. They think this number will yield an energetic, self-sufficient woman with a nice rack who can stay up past midnight on the weekend. You look good and you are immature enough to qualify for at least the 34 – 37 age bracket. 🙂 Just keep the cat talk to a minimum until the third date. Love you!!!!
Hahaha!! Thank you Shannon! That is good advice 🙂 Love you!
The comment above about honesty should be the basis of a relationship, not to get one started bothers me a bit. If the relationship starts on a lie, how could it ever be based on truth? If I meet someone based on a lie – and even if they tell me about the lie and why, I will always have second thoughts about other things they tell me. I don’t want someone who lies to get my attention – I want someone who is comfortable in their own skin – with who they are. I’m not going to lie just so you can like me. I am who I am – take it or leave it. I have worth and value.
(just a suggestion for meeting others – have you looked at meetup.com yet? It’s not online dating, but may offer an alternative way of meeting other people within the same age bracket that have similar interests as you. Two of my friends have just gotten engaged to someone they met through a meetup group.)
Hi Alison – thanks so much for the note!! I have heard great things about meetup.com. I will definitely check it out. I totally understand what you’re saying and I agree, if someone lies about something upfront why would you trust them moving forward? I guess the issue I’m struggling with is that if someone met me out, they could base if they like me or not on me, my age would not be a factor. But online, I am judged and ruled out by some immediately because of my age. I suppose though, that says more about them than me 🙂
Yes. It does. Their problem.