Tag Archives: California

The Next Chapter.

“Tracey. You can’t be serious.”

I laughed.  She always was such a drama-queen.

“Well Tina, yeah, I’m pretty serious.”

“But how will I know what’s going on with you?!”

“Um, we’ll talk like normal people?”

“Ugh. You know what I mean,” she said and I could hear her pouring another glass of wine.

It was Monday night and My Boyfriend was at band practice. This gave me the perfect opportunity to catch up on my reality crime TV, drink wine, and have a long overdue phone date with Tina.

Tina’s husband, Hank, was watching the baby so we’d been able to have a nice long chat. Over the course of the past hour, we’d gone through the normal topics – her son Jordan, My Boyfriend, people we knew in our hometown, her husband, her job, The Cat.

And then I’d told her about the blog.

Which was, that I was done with it.

Continue reading The Next Chapter.

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Are We In The Clear Yet? Part Two.

Back in February when I was still working, both my co-workers Lacy and McKenzie had urged me to download Taylor Swift’s 1989.

This did not sound like a thing I  wanted to do.

“I’m telling you – it’s amazing. Perfect running music,” McKenzie had said with reverence.

Lacy had nodded in agreement. “It will change your life.”

“Fine,” I’d said. I downloaded and listened to it once.

“Not for me,” I’d declared the next day.

They both looked at me and shook their heads sadly as if to say, “She just doesn’t get it.”

Continue reading Are We In The Clear Yet? Part Two.

Are We In The Clear Yet? Part One.

“I don’t think we’re going to make it.”

This is what I wanted to respond to my friends when they’d check in to see how I was doing.

“How are you adjusting, love?” they’d ask.

“Is it wonderful to be home?!” they’d inquire.

“How is your Boyfriend?” they’d wonder.

“Do you miss New York?” “Have you found a job?” “How is The Cat?” “I miss you so much!!”

And all I could think to reply was:

“I don’t think we’re going to make it.”

But I never said that.  Because I didn’t want anyone to worry about me.

Continue reading Are We In The Clear Yet? Part One.

Just an Excuse to Get a Cute New Carrier.

“Do you want a Xanax?”

“No thanks.”

“Are you going to have a drink?” I asked, as I crammed the stack of gossip magazines I’d bought for the flight in the seat pocket in front of me.

“I don’t think so.”

“Why not?” I was confused. My Boyfriend is not a big drinker but still, I could not fathom why anyone would ever want to fly sober.

“I don’t know,” he said and shrugged. And then he leaned down to The Cat’s carrier at his feet and unzipped the secret opening where he could pet her undetected.

“Oh my god,” I said. “You don’t want  to be out of it in case she freaks out!”

He smiled. “I just want to be prepared. For anything.”

And I knew in that moment that he meant not only The Cat, but me, and my reaction to this trip.

“You are the best man,” I said.

Continue reading Just an Excuse to Get a Cute New Carrier.

Second & Final.

“Did you pick that outfit out yourself?!” McKenzie exclaimed, as she walked across the bar towards me, beer already in hand.

“I did! How did I do?” I asked, as I gestured to my low-cut green satin romper. I had accented it with thick gold necklaces and the high-heeled gold sandals Sheri had given me the previous Summer.

“I love it! You look fantastic,” she said. She turned to my right. “Oh my god, hi!! I have to give you a hug. I feel like I know you already!” She hurled her arms around My Boyfriend. “I’m McKenzie!”

I smiled at them and then looked around the bar. Sheri was chatting with Sean. Caitlyn was catching up with Bea. Marlie was perched on one of the leather couches with my old neighbor, Cody.  Bree, her boyfriend, and Lin were gathered around a tall table, sampling an appetizer platter. My friend Hana, who’d just moved back to town from Boston, was at the bar with our friend EJ. All my nearest and dearest NYC friends, together in one place.

This is what I loved most about my experience in New York. I’d met people from various jobs, or places I’d lived, or friends of friends or wherever but over the years, my good friends had become good friends and in the end, I realized we had created a big, quirky, fantastic, loving family.

And it was this family that was at my Second & Final Going Away Party.

Continue reading Second & Final.

Party Time.

I rolled over and looked at the clock.

Fuck.

It was two.

In the afternoon.

I raised my hand to my eyes to block out the sunlight and rolled back over to my other side. I wanted more than anything to continue sleeping. I was just so, so tired. But I had to get up.

This day, I had to get up.

Continue reading Party Time.

May Flowers. Part Two.

I had asked My Boyfriend to not join me for hospital visits as I knew my Mom would not like for him see her in that condition. So later that day, I went back alone where I told my Mom about our day. “We got burritos from that place by the grocery store, you know it right?” And then silently reprimanded myself for asking a question when she couldn’t answer. “So anyway, I got a burrito and when I was halfway through, I saw there was a lint ball in it! A LINT BALL! How does that even happen? I mean, I can understand a hair or a bug, but a lint ball?”I shook my head in disgust. “It doesn’t make any sense.”

Then I told her how we’d taken My Dad, who’d come up for the day, to see our rental house that afternoon and how he’d loved it. “I took some pictures,” I said. “I can’t wait to show them to you.” And I thought I may have seen her nod.

But maybe not.

Continue reading May Flowers. Part Two.

May Flowers. Part One.

I’m not going to get into the details of my Mother’s death but I will say, it was was very shocking and it was very unexpected.

A few days after my dinner with Lux and McKenzie, I received the call that she was in the hospital. It was the morning of my date with Sean and Thalia to see The Lion King and when I hung up, I was bewildered, and  freakishly thought, “I guess I’ll get ready for the show now.” I began to get dressed but as I was putting on my shoes, I started to shake uncontrollably.

You know, that kind of deep internal vibration that makes you feel as if your organs are going to rupture.

Continue reading May Flowers. Part One.

Tick. Tick. Tick.

Two years ago, I reached out to my NYC friends and asked them, “If you only had one more year left in the city – what would be the things you’d most want to do?” I received a really unique and fun list of true NYC experiences. I vowed to do one thing a month until I had gotten through the whole list.

Naturally, since then, I’d done none of them.

But now, because I only had two months left, I was galvanized to make my way through my NYC Bucketlist. I prioritized the things I wanted to do and set about each week making one thing happen.

It was a really amazing journey.

Continue reading Tick. Tick. Tick.