And so that’s what I did.
But as much as I tried to keep an open mind, still, my head just wasn’t in the game.
In fact, one guy put it perfectly when he said, at the end of our date, “I enjoyed meeting you Tracey, but you didn’t really seem there.”
He was right.
Which is why I never wrote about any of them.
After I wrapped up my dating life, I hid my online profiles and felt an extreme sense of relief. Now I could do what I wanted to do.
And as time went by, I started to create my own little routines.
And I loved it.
Fridays after work, I’d go to the gym and then come home and clean for a bit and then wrap up the evening with a movie or reading a chick-lit book that I’d read before so I didn’t have to dispense any energy. Saturdays, instead of having to spend the morning sifting through strangers’ emails or searching through strangers’ profiles, I’d go out to my neighborhood coffee place – where eventually they learned my order and would start it as soon as I walked through the door. I’d pay my bills, call my parents and then read or take a nap or go out to drinks with friends or whatthefuckever. Sundays I’d work on the blog and cook healthy lunches for the week ahead.
Right there with ya, Susan.
Weekdays, I’d set coffee meetings with various co-workers so they could teach me about the company and the product so I could approach my new role more effectively. They’d patiently answer all my questions and then, even though I’d asked them to meet, they’d pay for my coffee.
The Venice book was finally done so I worked with my writing partner on an agent query letter for it. I cleaned out my kitchen cabinets and cleaned out my desk drawers and made a list of things that needed to be fixed in the apartment. I took The Cat to get her nails clipped, dyed my hair and packed up my Summer outfits, replacing them in the dresser with sweaters, flannel pajamas and fluffy socks.
I finally got through all the things I’d wanted to do. And at the end of it all, I felt calm and I felt strong.
So when I woke up this morning, and caught a glimpse of my image in the mirror as I made my way to the kitchen to make a cup of coffee, I stopped and faced myself.
I took a good look.
And then I gave a quick nod.
I was ready.