“When Tracey first started running, she showed up wearing a fanny pack!” McKenzie said as she scrolled through her phone.
The salesperson looked up from where she was measuring my foot and cocked her head to the side. “Aw, that’s sweet.”
“Will you shut up?” I shot at McKenzie.
“What? You did,” she said. “Look, I took some pictures of you while you did your test run. I’ll text them to you.”
“Fine,” I said.
Last Spring one of Thalia’s friends, Alicia, who now is a friend of mine, asked me to join her “Do One Thing a Month That is Out of Your Comfort Zone” group. This group would meet on a weekend day and participate in a challenging dance class or a creative painting class or a unique cooking class or any of the other cool classes NYC had to offer. It was after one of these classes, when I spotted the storefront that would change my life.
And so that’s what I did.
I went on Date Eight, Date Nine, Date Ten and Date Eleven. I stuck to the promise I’d made to Lux, and when I met guy I liked and he asked me out again, I went.
But as much as I tried to keep an open mind, still, my head just wasn’t in the game.
In fact, one guy put it perfectly when he said, at the end of our date, “I enjoyed meeting you Tracey, but you didn’t really seem there.”
He was right.
Which is why I never wrote about any of them.
“You know what you should do?”
“What?” I asked, as I warily eyed the contents of her enormous cup. We were in a conference room waiting for McKenzie so we could have an events brainstorming session for the Office Health & Wellness Committee. Lux was on a cleanse and the sight of her green juice was making my stomach turn, as I recounted my own experience with a juice cleanse. I took a sip of coffee to try to settle myself.
“You should put an ad up on Craigslist for guys to come audition to be your boyfriend!” She said joyfully. “It’ll be great! We can list what you’re looking for and then have them all come and compete with each other to show why they think they’re best for you!”
I cocked my head to the side. “That has got to be the most ridiculous, and dare I say, dangerous idea you’ve ever come up with.”
I’d really let myself go.
Two months ago, I’d been in incredible shape. This was because I was going home for my 25 Year High School Reunion and also because my long-distance high school boyfriend was going to be staying with me in the hotel the whole time I was there.
I’ve literally never been so excited.
I am incredibly disciplined when I’m happy. During the weeks leading up to the trip, I would smugly post one word updates on Facebook like ‘SPINNING’ or ’30/60/90′ or ‘METCON3’ and regularly check myself into every Equinox across the city. I was eating better, exercising a ton and wearing the shit out of my skinny jeans. Continue reading Sanity in Sweat.
Not Quite A Cougar 