Tag Archives: match.com

Requesting Back-Up.

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I think we can all agree that if we learned anything in the 90’s by reading ‘The Rules,’ it’s that, besides to wear lipstick to the gym, when you have a setback in your Dating Life, that’s the time to get busy. Not lay around eating cookies (their words) or lay around drinking Bud Light (my words). No!! It’s time to wipe away that tear, put on a swipe of mascara (their words) and get a manicure (Lux’s words).

So it was with this exuberant thought that I arrived home from work one night and opened the Dating Excel Sheet that Anna had created for me a few months ago. This was a compilation of all the activities the Fun Committee had come up for me to jumpstart my Dating Life.

I settled in with a healthy Sleepytime tea and looked over the spreadsheet. Soon my eyes glazed over.

It was overwhelming. Continue reading Requesting Back-Up. →

Date Three. Part One.

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“Are you going to do a statement lip?”

“Well, considering I don’t even know what that means, I think the answer is no.”

“Okay,” Lux said, as she pulled up a variety of nail polish images on her office laptop. “From what you’ve told me about your outfit, here are some choices of what I think you should wear.”

“You have a whole Pinterest board just for nails?” I asked.

“Of course!” she exclaimed.

“I think I like that one,” I said and pointed to a deep purple shade.

“Good choice,” she said, nodding. “Very popular for Winter.”

I sat back in my chair and sighed. “God, I hate getting manicures. I was supposed to do it yesterday but I blew it off.”

She was wide-eyed. “Why would you hate getting manicures?”

“Because I hate strangers rubbing my hands with all that lotion and they clip your cuticles and the filing noise makes my teeth hurt and it’s all just so gross!” I shuddered. “And not to mention, then you have to sit there for 10 minutes while your nails dry and you can’t touch anything, not even flip through a magazine, and it’s so supremely a waste of time and SO BORING.” Continue reading Date Three. Part One. →

99 Bottles of Beer on the Wall, 99 Bottles of Beer. Take One Down, Pass It Around…(Well, you know the rest).

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“Okay. So it’ll start like this: ‘You know those movies, those movies you can watch over and over and never get sick of? They might not be particularly good but for whatever reason they strike something in you and they become your go-to movies whenever you can’t figure out what to watch. I have three. In no particular order, they are: ‘Rock Star,’ which I love because the music reminds me of high school and it makes me nostalgic for my hometown’s illicit parties when parents were out of town. We’d lift our beers together and scream out Motley Crue and make out on porches and it honestly felt like life couldn’t get any better. The next is ’17 Again.’ I love this one because Zac Efron is brilliantly hysterical in it. No really, he is – ‘”

“No really, he is.” Marlie said nodding and took a sip of her coffee. We were wrapping up our Sunday-After-New-Year’s-Brunch at Park Avenue Winter and I was telling her about my next post. Continue reading 99 Bottles of Beer on the Wall, 99 Bottles of Beer. Take One Down, Pass It Around…(Well, you know the rest). →

A Change in Plans.

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Lux was the last to arrive, breezing in and saying, “Sorry I’m late! Did you guys start already?” Naturally, we hadn’t. She settled into her chair, looking chic in her skinny jeans and high-heeled boots. Her blonde hair was perfectly styled. I bit my lip. Since my trip to Venice, I’d slipped back into some old habits. Well, okay, yeah, all of them. I’d been so busy writing, I’d stopped working out, was eating pizza for every meal and, I’m sick to admit it, even having the occasional cigarette. Okay, maybe not so occasional. I was also back to wearing my old uniform of ill-fitting dresses, black leggings and knock-off Uggs, as these renewed habits were doing no favors for my waistline. I couldn’t fit into my Sheri-approved outfits anymore. I just was so tired of trying to keep it all together.

I looked around the conference room as everyone was involved with chatting and laughing and catching up on company news. “Okay, guys,” I said. No one paid any attention. I cleared my throat. “GUYS.” I may as well have been shouting into the wind. I sat there for a second and shook my head. What a collection of characters. The Fun Committee, Emily and Anna were there, of course. As well as our intern, Tara. Archie was to my right, with our graphic designer, Lux, to my left. There was also a newcomer today, Lainie, who now worked with Emily on her team.

This, was my Social Media Marketing Team. Continue reading A Change in Plans. →

If At First You Don’t Succeed, Try, Try…Ugh.

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The Fun Committee had convened in the Cafe, along with our part-time 21-year-old intern from NYU, Tara. The Cafe is an empty office that my company had turned into a hodgepodge lounging space complete with a working cappuccino machine and random scarves and pillows strewn everywhere. There is even a colorful collection of plastic tambourines arranged on the desk. I don’t know why.

I pulled out my notebook as Anna finished up making our coffee drinks. “Guys,” I said. “We have a situation.”

“What is it?” asked Emily. “Did the location for Office Happy Hour fall through?”

“No. Something much, much more serious.” I took a deep breath. “OkCupid is not working out.”

Emily’s expression darkened as she fired up her laptop. Tara straightened up and pulled the pen from her make-shift hair bun. She poised it over an empty notebook page. Anna somberly placed a cappuccino in front of me and put a hand on my shoulder. There would be no talk of Amanda Knox on this day. Continue reading If At First You Don’t Succeed, Try, Try…Ugh. →

Wade Takes the Wheel.

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“Match.com is for people who have to pay to get a date. And you, my dear, are better than that. Now it’s all about OkCupid. That is the site you will join.”

When my boss, Wade, said things like this with such assuredness, I knew I needed to sit up and take notice. He was perched on the exercise ball I keep in my office cube for visitors, drinking a protein shake with an peculiar green tint. He was the vision of business-casual perfection with his lightweight sweater of that certain shade of yellow that can be worn in any season and perfectly tailored pinstriped slacks. His shoes were, of course, unscuffed but not offensively over-shined.

“But I thought that was what made Match.com better, that if you’re paying then you are proving you’re serious about actually meeting someone. Isn’t OkCupid more like a hookup meat-market site?” I asked, as I surreptitiously began applying a floral scented lotion to my hands and arms as I was pretty sure I smelled like a frat house from last night’s overindulgence of beer and cigarettes. Clearly I was not handling this breakup well. Continue reading Wade Takes the Wheel. →