“So I was impressed you like Cards Against Humanity,” he said, as the waitress placed our mugs of coffee in front of us. “I love that game. I actually have all four Expansions.”
“Oh!” I said. “I didn’t realize there were other versions.”
“Yeah, they’re all great.”
“I’ll have to check them out then.”
Lily had been on vacation with her family and then needed to get settled in school, so she wasn’t available to be my Dating Intern until September. So I’d been in contact with Date Six myself. He had offered to meet at a quirky diner by my office for coffee and dessert. The only thing was, that afternoon we’d had an Office Make Your Own Sundae Party so I was not going to be having any dessert. I didn’t tell him this though. Then I’d probably blurt out that I’m President of The Fun Committee and frankly, that just seems like bragging.
Continue reading Date Six.
“Bud Light, huh?” he said. “That’s kind of a white-trash choice, don’t you think?”
I laughed because he was trying to be funny and also because, it’s true. But still, this innocent comment did nothing to help ease my feelings of self-consciousness.
I was way out of my league at this place.
Continue reading Date Five.
I. Was. Trashed.
Like really trashed. Like trashed to the point where I was having to think verrrry carefully about what I was saying, so that I wouldn’t slur my words.
I am actually usually quite good about not drinking too much on dates. I always stick to a two drink limit and it’s never been a problem. But the lack of food in the past 48 hours had given me no buffer for the alcohol whatsoever. So even though I’d only had 3/4 of a vodka soda, I was a drunken mess.
Stupid juice cleanse.
Continue reading Date Four. Part Two.
“Fuck the juice cleanse!”
“Fuck the juice cleanse?”
“Yes! Fuck it!” she said, and she threateningly waved her champagne glass at me.
I looked over at Caitlyn and Marlie. “Fuck the juice cleanse?”
“Fuck it,” said Marlie, nodding.
“Yep. Fuck the juice cleanse,” Caitlyn agreed.
“Hmm,” I said, mulling this over. “Fuck the juice cleanse…”
Continue reading Date Four. Part One.
There was something going on with my eye. I don’t know if I got Oil of Olay in it or what. But the right one was totally red and sickly looking. This is the kind of thing that, naturally, only happens when you have a job interview, when you’re at an event where you’ll have your picture taken often – such as a wedding, or if you’re going on a first date.
Which is what I was doing today. Continue reading Date One.
“I think I’m pretty cool.”
“I am very busy discovering the world we live in.”
“Duty is a turn-on.”
“I love to smile.”
“I’m looking for someone with pretty hands and feet.”
“I love epiphanies.”
“If u have a problem with me being 5’4″ then ur are missing out!”
“I live to inspire people and be inspired. I would like more of everything.”
“I’m not good at describing myself…you would have to talk to me, or meet me to know me.”
“You should message me if you love intellectual gymnastics, but you understand that the poetry of the everyday can not and should not be forced.”
“How can I be better than I am today? A better teacher…. a better lover… a better human being…”
“The woman I’m looking for: She loves to talk but observes long silences peacefully and appreciatively.”
Oh my. Who the fuck were these guys? Continue reading We’ll Say We Met at Starbucks.