Tag Archives: Gordon Lightfoot

Date Six.

“So I was impressed you like Cards Against Humanity,” he said, as the waitress placed our mugs of coffee in front of us. “I love that game. I actually have all four Expansions.”

“Oh!” I said. “I didn’t realize there were other versions.”

“Yeah, they’re all great.”

“I’ll have to check them out then.”

Lily had been on vacation with her family and then needed to get settled in school, so she wasn’t available to be my Dating Intern until September. So I’d been in contact with Date Six myself. He had offered to meet at a quirky diner by my office for coffee and dessert. The only thing was, that afternoon we’d had an Office Make Your Own Sundae Party so I was not going to be having any dessert. I didn’t tell him this though. Then I’d probably blurt out that I’m President of The Fun Committee and frankly, that just seems like bragging.

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Like A Dog With A Bone.

“What’s your idea of a great first date?”

“Geesh, I don’t know.”

“Tracey. Come on,” she replied.

I sighed to myself.

Her next IM flashed up in my inbox. “Okay, just use this template: On a first date, I enjoy discussing _____ over _____ at _____.”

“I’m busy,” I replied.

“TRACEY. COME ON.”

“DO NOT ALL-CAPS ME.”

“YOU ARE DRIVING ME CRAZY.”

“No, YOU are driving ME crazy.”

“I’m coming over.”

“Omg. Please don’t.”

No response. She was already on her way.

No doubt about it. Lux was on a mission.

Continue reading Like A Dog With A Bone.

Strut.

I think we can all agree there’s nothing more tedious and annoying than an artist discussing their ‘process.’ They’ll spout on about their ‘craft’ and their ‘inspiration’ and how they ‘see the world differently’ than the rest of us and then they’ll tell you about the speck of dew they saw on a young leaf that morning, and how it relates to them entering as the new kid in the middle of first grade. Maybe their voice will waver and they’ll get a tear in their eye.

And you’ll want to kill yourself.

So I try not to do that here.

I mean, that shit is BORING.

Continue reading Strut.