I rolled over and looked at the clock.
Fuck.
It was two.
In the afternoon.
I raised my hand to my eyes to block out the sunlight and rolled back over to my other side. I wanted more than anything to continue sleeping. I was just so, so tired. But I had to get up.
This day, I had to get up.
I had asked My Boyfriend to not join me for hospital visits as I knew my Mom would not like for him see her in that condition. So later that day, I went back alone where I told my Mom about our day. “We got burritos from that place by the grocery store, you know it right?” And then silently reprimanded myself for asking a question when she couldn’t answer. “So anyway, I got a burrito and when I was halfway through, I saw there was a lint ball in it! A LINT BALL! How does that even happen? I mean, I can understand a hair or a bug, but a lint ball?”I shook my head in disgust. “It doesn’t make any sense.”
Then I told her how we’d taken My Dad, who’d come up for the day, to see our rental house that afternoon and how he’d loved it. “I took some pictures,” I said. “I can’t wait to show them to you.” And I thought I may have seen her nod.
But maybe not.
I’d really let myself go.
Two months ago, I’d been in incredible shape. This was because I was going home for my 25 Year High School Reunion and also because my long-distance high school boyfriend was going to be staying with me in the hotel the whole time I was there.
I’ve literally never been so excited.
I am incredibly disciplined when I’m happy. During the weeks leading up to the trip, I would smugly post one word updates on Facebook like ‘SPINNING’ or ’30/60/90′ or ‘METCON3’ and regularly check myself into every Equinox across the city. I was eating better, exercising a ton and wearing the shit out of my skinny jeans. Continue reading Sanity in Sweat.
