McKenzie IM’d me first thing Thursday morning: “#Cliffhanger.”
And then a few minutes later: “Are you alright?”
Soon after, I received an email from Sheri: “It’s imperative that we talk about today’s post. Lunch?”
“WTF happened??” Tina’s message flashed up on Facebook. “Are you okay??”
Why was everyone asking if I was okay?
“Why is everyone asking if I’m okay?” I asked McKenzie as she entered our company’s Design Room and sat next to me on the bright orange couch. Lux was in the corner of the room setting up her camera, as she was helping me build my consolidated writing website and had decided I needed a new headshot.
“But why can’t I use the picture from my LinkedIn profile?” I’d asked.
“Because that picture is blurry,” she’d said. “And it looks like you’re in a bar.”
“Oh, I am!” I’d exclaimed. “That’s from my birthday party last year!”
She’d just raised her eyes to the ceiling and sighed. And then she’d set up this photoshoot.
“Why is everyone asking if you’re okay?” McKenzie asked as she handed me her makeup bag because I’d forgotten mine at home. “Well, you kinda left us hanging this morning. I mean, your last post you were at lunch talking about being depressed and then now you just kind of touched on it and let it go.”
“There wasn’t any resolution,” Lux added as she raised the window shade to try to let in more light.
“Well,” I said. “I did try to lighten the mood with adding the post about The Cat’s Instagram account.”
“Tracey,” Lux said, “No one cares about The Cat.”
“Oh. Is that so?” I asked as I pulled a blush brush from McKenzie’s bag. “I noticed YOU started following her.”
“Can you just go stand over there?” she said with a huff, as she pointed to the middle of the room. “I need to take some test shots.”
“Ha!” I said. “Don’t worry, I won’t tell anyone.”
Clearly, that was a lie.
“Honey, do you think I sound depressed in the blog?” I asked My Boyfriend the next night when he called me for our Friday Night Phone Date. I was laying on the couch drinking a huge bottle of water. Lux and another girl at work and I were doing the Gallon A Day Water Challenge and let me tell you, it was really cutting into my Bud Light time.
But on the upside, my skin was looking fantastic.
I continued. “Like if you didn’t know me, would you think I was depressed?”
“Well, if I was only reading the blog, yeah, maybe.”
“Hmm,” I said. “I guess I should probably do something to fix that. That’s not what I was trying to say. I mean, I was a little down but I’m not depressed. I actually was going to write a very inspiring Series that started with Dr. Shay’s visit. But Series take a lot of time and planning and I just didn’t want to take it on before the holidays.”
“Makes sense,” he said.
“But also,” I said as I pulled myself up to sitting. “I kind of lost interest in it because…,” I set my water bottle on the table. “There’s something else I want to write about.”
“You mentioned that.”
“Yeah, and… well, I know I never run posts by you beforehand… but I need to talk to you about this one.”
“Okay, what is it?”
“Well, the thing is,” I said and took a deep breath. “Something happened and…well…”
“Tracey. What is it?” he said again. And this time his voice sounded low and wary.