Remember how I said in Breaking the Fourth Wall how I hate it when bloggers devote an entire post to speak directly to their audience? Usually because they’re selling something or asking for people to share/repost their site or requesting other annoying things? And how I’d roll my eyes and click out immediately?
I still feel that way.
But I’m still going to do this today. Continue reading I’m Doing it Again.
I’d always had a vision of how it would play out when I’d meet him face to face. I’d be looking fabulous, perhaps in a pair of tiny black leather shorts, a fitted top that showed a hint of cleavage, yet was still classy, and to-die-for overpriced heels. My legs would be firm, tan and stubble-free. My hair would be long and blowing around me like a Clairol commercial. My makeup would accentuate my features to the most alluring degree but not be overbearing or garish. My nails would do Lux proud. I’d strut over to him to the tune of Christina Aguilera’s ‘Fighter’ and I would get in his face and say everything I’d ever wanted to say.
I’d make him admit the truth. Finally.
As Christina sang out, “Thought I would forget, but I remember. Yes, I remember, I’ll remember!” I’d turn on my stiletto heel and leave him in a puddling mess of his own tears.
As it turns out, it didn’t go as planned.
The Team had decided I needed to start engaging more on Social Media. Specifically, on Instagram and Twitter.
“Just post a lot and and hashtag the crap out of everything,” Lux counseled. “This will cause you to come up more often in searches and drive people to the blog. Hashtag it all!” Her voice was rising with enthusiasm. “Become a hashtag whore!!!”
“Hashtag whore? What? Did you make that up?”
“No,” she said and tossed back her ponytail. “But I could have.”
“Throwback Thursdays,” Floyd instructed, as he showed me examples on his phone. Although technically not a member of The Team, I still took his opinions to heart as he was young and socially knowledgeable. “You need to get on that. It’s totally searchable.”
“I don’t have time on Thursdays to do that,” I said with a whine. “That’s when I put up the blog, so I’m busy promoting it and I’m usually tired from editing the night before. Why can’t I just do Flashback Fridays instead?”
“Because Flashback Fridays is for old people,” he replied.
I was running late for work. Normally, I don’t worry too much about this because: 1) I always seem to arrive before my bosses, and: 2) I’m not entirely sure my bosses actually know what my hours are.
But as I left my apartment that morning, I got a little worried. Continue reading 90 Days. Part One.
Drum-roll please… Continue reading The Results Are In.
I think we can all agree that if we learned anything in the 90’s by reading ‘The Rules,’ it’s that, besides to wear lipstick to the gym, when you have a setback in your Dating Life, that’s the time to get busy. Not lay around eating cookies (their words) or lay around drinking Bud Light (my words). No!! It’s time to wipe away that tear, put on a swipe of mascara (their words) and get a manicure (Lux’s words).
So it was with this exuberant thought that I arrived home from work one night and opened the Dating Excel Sheet that Anna had created for me a few months ago. This was a compilation of all the activities the Fun Committee had come up for me to jumpstart my Dating Life.
I settled in with a healthy Sleepytime tea and looked over the spreadsheet. Soon my eyes glazed over.
It was overwhelming. Continue reading Requesting Back-Up.
Thalia is not a big drinker, so when I hang out with her, I’m not either. But this night was an exception. We’d met at our friend’s restaurant for happy hour and our friend had us do some tastings of drinks she was considering putting on the menu. We’d had a few Sauvignon Blancs, a few Proseccos and one Coconut Froth concoction in a cute little green glass.
Her message flashed at the bottom of my screen. “Why don’t you just make something up?”
“Hmm…,” I typed back. “I don’t know about that.”
“Why not?” she wrote. “It could be the kind of thing where the blog is based in truth but that some details have been altered.”
It was Saturday night and I was supposed to be working on the Venice Book. Instead, I was Facebook messaging with Tina. Continue reading Wrapping It Up.
“So, what’s going on with Bradley?” Caitlyn asked, as she took a sip of Prosecco.
“Oh yeah,” Marlie said. “Weren’t you supposed to see him last weekend?”
It was the Friday before Valentine’s Day and we’d met for Happy Hour at one of our favorite Upper East Side spots. “I was,” I said, nodding. “But there was some confusion on it all…”
“What do you mean?” asked Caitlyn.
I sat back into the black leather couch and looked up at the pink chandelier that hung over our table. I took a deep breath. “Well, I thought we were getting together and then…” I shook my head. “He went on vacation to Mexico or something? I don’t know. It was weird.”
“Oh,” said Marlie, “Well, I’m sure you’ll hear from him.”
I took a sip of my Pacifico, which I’d settled for, as this bar doesn’t have Bud Light. I know, what kind of a place doesn’t have Bud Light? Continue reading Oh. Is it Valentine’s Day?
Not Quite A Cougar 