I rolled over and looked at the clock.
Fuck.
It was two.
In the afternoon.
I raised my hand to my eyes to block out the sunlight and rolled back over to my other side. I wanted more than anything to continue sleeping. I was just so, so tired. But I had to get up.
This day, I had to get up.
“Why are you calling me so early?”
“Well, hello to you too,” I said.
“Oh, Tracey. You know what I mean. It’s six o’clock Sunday your time. Isn’t that when you usually write?”
“Yeah,” I said with a sigh as I put her on speaker and placed the phone on the butcher block to make some tea. I freakin’ hate tea as general rule but this weather in NYC has driven me to extreme measures.
I JUST CAN’T GET WARM.
“I AM FREAKING THE FUCK OUT!”
“I know, baby,” My Boyfriend said as he reached over from the driver’s seat and squeezed my knee. “But it’s okay. You’re okay.”
“I feel sketchy!” I cried, as I doubled over and attempted to take in huge gulps of air.
“You’re okay. Just lay the seat back and try to relax.”
It was the last day of my Christmas visit and we were on the way to SFO from our hometown to drop me off for my flight back to NYC. As we’ve all seen, I am not a good flyer under the best of circumstances but today with the added exhaustion, anxiety and nausea, I was not doing well. At all. I sat up and shielded my eyes as I looked out the window. Sausalito whizzed by, illuminated by the too-bright morning sunlight.
I laid the seat back and closed my eyes tightly. Then I whimpered, “I don’t understand why this is happening.”
“Well, we went big on Friday at Hometown Holiday Drinks,” My Boyfriend was saying. “And then yesterday at Lana’s brunch, you girls were hitting the champagne pretty hard.”
“I know, but I drank plenty of water last night and we went to bed early,” I said. “I should be okay.”
“Well, we haven’t had a lot of downtime overall,” he pointed out.
I opened my eyes and sniveled, “I kind of over-scheduled us, didn’t I?”
He smiled and reached to the backseat. “Here. Take my jacket and use it as a pillow. Try to get some rest.”
I took the jacket and folded it beneath my head. “I don’t feel well.” I looked up at him.
He looked down at me in pity. “Baby, if you’re not feeling better by the time we hit the bridge, I think we should change your flight to tomorrow.”
“But we’re trying to save money for visits!” I insisted.
“I know. But it’s only money. And it’s breaking my heart to see you like this.”
“I think I’m going to throw up,” I muttered.
“I think you’ve hit the wall,” he said.
“I think you’re right,” I replied.
Then I turned over and pulled the jacket over my head.
“Oh no,” Tina sighed sadly. And she really did sound sad. “Lux was one of my favorite characters.”
I sighed as well. “I know, me too.”
“What a bummer,” she said,
“Well, hopefully she’ll be making a cameo here and there,” I said as I put her on speaker and placed the phone on the butcherblock. I pulled a knife from the drawer and took a deep breath. I was trying my hand ONE LAST TIME at making chicken and vegetables for the next day’s lunch. I meant it this time. This was it. Every other attempt I’d tried had resulted in me bringing my efforts to work and then just abandoning them because they were never any good. I told myself, if I opted for pizza one more time instead of eating my prepared meal, I was never cooking again.
“You make my job easy, Tracey,” Dr. Shay said as he placed my chart on his desk and sat down across from me. “Everything looks good. So. What else is going on?”
We’d just finished up my yearly physical, but since he is more of a “360 View” type doctor, Dr. Shay would always chat with me afterwards to make sure there was nothing else on my mind that could be affecting my health. That’s why I knew during my lunch with Sheri, when I was getting so hysterical about my long-distance situation, that I should probably go see him.
Not Quite A Cougar 