I. Was. Trashed.
Like really trashed. Like trashed to the point where I was having to think verrrry carefully about what I was saying, so that I wouldn’t slur my words.
I am actually usually quite good about not drinking too much on dates. I always stick to a two drink limit and it’s never been a problem. But the lack of food in the past 48 hours had given me no buffer for the alcohol whatsoever. So even though I’d only had 3/4 of a vodka soda, I was a drunken mess.
Stupid juice cleanse.
“Fuck the juice cleanse!”
“Fuck the juice cleanse?”
“Yes! Fuck it!” she said, and she threateningly waved her champagne glass at me.
I looked over at Caitlyn and Marlie. “Fuck the juice cleanse?”
“Fuck it,” said Marlie, nodding.
“Yep. Fuck the juice cleanse,” Caitlyn agreed.
“Hmm,” I said, mulling this over. “Fuck the juice cleanse…”
Those of a certain age, you will remember in 1988 when Van Halen released the second album with Sammy Hagar as the lead singer: ‘OU812’. Now, despite what you may have thought of the album itself (I know some of you have never gotten over the loss of David Lee Roth) what was undoubtedly cool was the title. I remember thinking, “WOW. It’s letters and numbers but YOU CAN SAY IT AS A SENTENCE! WOWWOWWOW!!!!” Not a lot of bands had done that before, and this sort of short-speak was new and unique.
Now of course, it is commonplace. ‘U’ has replaced the incredibly difficult and laborious spelling of ‘you’ and thank goodness someone came up with ‘2’ as opposed to ‘to!’ I don’t know about you, but typing out that one other character to actually write the word was really bringing me down. Continue reading Is It Just Me?
“What’s your idea of a great first date?”
“Geesh, I don’t know.”
“Tracey. Come on,” she replied.
I sighed to myself.
Her next IM flashed up in my inbox. “Okay, just use this template: On a first date, I enjoy discussing _____ over _____ at _____.”
“I’m busy,” I replied.
“TRACEY. COME ON.”
“DO NOT ALL-CAPS ME.”
“YOU ARE DRIVING ME CRAZY.”
“No, YOU are driving ME crazy.”
“I’m coming over.”
“Omg. Please don’t.”
No response. She was already on her way.
No doubt about it. Lux was on a mission.
“Not even a bootycall?”
“Not even a bootycall.”
“So you got nothin’?”
“I got nothin’,” I said, shaking my head.
“That’s a damn shame,” said Sean, as he took a sip of his Guiness. “No one to drunk-text.”
“Nope, no one to drunk-text,” I sighed. I took a sip of my Bud Light. “Well, except My Ex, of course. I drunk-text him all the time.”
Sean gave me a look.
“Ew!” I exclaimed, as I burst through the conference room door.
“What?” Archie was trying to enjoy a peaceful Bento Box lunch, away from the usual office chaos.
But I was having none of that.
“My post for tomorrow sucks!” I stared down at him, hands on hips. “It SUCKS!”
Continue reading Age Aint Nothin’ But a Number…? And Another Poll.
Last Saturday was awesome.
That afternoon, I met some girlfriends for a Belly Dancing class where I learned three things: 1) Belly Dancing is harder than it looks, 2) I am not very good at Belly Dancing, and 3) Belly Dancing is a blast.
Then, that night I went to a Quiet Clubbing event.
I think we can all agree that if we learned anything in the 90’s by reading ‘The Rules,’ it’s that, besides to wear lipstick to the gym, when you have a setback in your Dating Life, that’s the time to get busy. Not lay around eating cookies (their words) or lay around drinking Bud Light (my words). No!! It’s time to wipe away that tear, put on a swipe of mascara (their words) and get a manicure (Lux’s words).
So it was with this exuberant thought that I arrived home from work one night and opened the Dating Excel Sheet that Anna had created for me a few months ago. This was a compilation of all the activities the Fun Committee had come up for me to jumpstart my Dating Life.
I settled in with a healthy Sleepytime tea and looked over the spreadsheet. Soon my eyes glazed over.
It was overwhelming. Continue reading Requesting Back-Up.
My first date with Bradley was on a Monday. That Thursday he followed up to see when we could get together again. He gave me three options: Brunch that Saturday Day, Drinks that Saturday Night or Brunch that Sunday Day.
I declined all three. Continue reading Ten Days.
Not Quite A Cougar 